I've finally settled on my vote for the presidential election which is creeping upon the country within the next 5 days.

This election seems to be the most critical of my (so far short) lifetime, and though i don't believe the fate of the world can rest in the hands of one man, i can do my part to try and put someone in office who will attempt to listen to others and look at the big picture rather than follow their own whims and wants for this country and the world.

I've done alot of reflecting on the last four years. Trying to find something other than the memory of the way we banded together in the months after Sept 11th. To me, that was Bush's most brilliant time. He made me believe that we could set aside our differences and join together to make the world a better place. In my opinion, he let us down.

I've caught alot of shit for the way i view that day. The attack did not surprise me. It stunned and hurt me, but somewhere inside myself i knew eventually the activities that we tend to turn a blind eye to in the world would reach our shores. Many think that this viewpoint is cold and uncaring, which it is entirely not. I knew people in those towers, know families who lost loved ones, and my heart broke and still aches for the loss of life. That does not mean that i can't look at the situation from a different stance, we had always heard of terrorism and clucked our tongues and shook our heads, tsk tsking it for a moment and then moving on with our lives. America was not on the defense, we were lax with the false security and idea that we are untouchable. Reviewing all those feelings from that time, and looking at our current situation in the world, i feel more scared about the prospect of America's future (regardless who is president) than i can ever remember feeling in my life.

We let our leader decide the fate of the people of Iraq, as well as our relations on a global level. I never supported the war, but have friends who either have just finished a tour, are still over there, or are on their way back. These people are following orders, and it is my duty to support them. Many have told me stories, or shared their views on the situation and most also do not believe we should've handled the situation the way we have.

Whenever my mind wanders to thoughts of the war i get this image of George W standing at a podium looking somewhat cartoonish and squeaking "Give them freedom! Give them freedom!" It's a noble idea to liberate a country, but the pure and simple fact is that there is much more to freedom than removing a dictator from power, and we are still witnessing the effects of our imposed liberation in the country.

The way i see it is if we stand behind our leader to "bring to justice any nation that harbors terrorists," we will be at war with a variety of different countries for the rest of time. Now, I am not saying that Saddam was a good man, just analyzing the scape of this war.

My opinion is that this administration is scaring America. That without George W in office again, we will surely be prone to annihilation through terrorism. That my friends is the scary part. That we will blind ourselves to pure truths in order to feel safer in our homes. I ask you if anyone, anywhere is ever truly safe?

No one is ever safe, plain and simple. There will always be bad people and tragic events in the world, without the bad there can be no good. It's a matter of universal balance, you can't have one without the other. We can try as a race of human beings to do good in this world, to chase evil from our doors, but we cannot with good conscience run into any country that we "suspect" is doing things that are in our view evil or bad. Doesn't that make us the terrorists?

I think its time for new blood in the country's administration, I'm not saying that Kerry will change the world, but i think that he'll make better decisions for the population as a whole. The idea of 4 more years with Bush just makes me cringe. I am more fearful of that than a terrorist attack and that is for damn sure!

Welcome to nothing better to talk about! Yes, i'm still boring.

I've vandalized another site because she deserved it!

Check it out HERE Neener barbs

Just incase you care, here are 50 things about me:

1. loud: My ability to fill a vast space with my voice is eerie, no microphone needed.

2. Unpredictable: People often comment on the fact that they didn't recognize me b/c i am always changing(ie hair, clothing, etc) There is no label to define my look, i am just me.

3. Grapix Junkie: Ever since learning how to make graphics i am truly addicted.

4. HTML junkie: Again, teaching myself coding and such i'm like a sponge and am constantly searching out new things to learn.

5. Self-proclaimed Goddess: Worship me. (no its not a vanity thing)

6. Motivated: Think it, do it, be it.

7. Solitary: Many times i prefer my coccoon to the outside world.

8. Tattoo fetish: I would get a tattoo everyday just to hear the buzz of the needles and feel it against my skin.

9. Smoker: Tried to quit, want to smoke. I just enjoy it period!

10. Poetic viewpoint: Anytime something important takes place i just want to turn it into prose

11. Coca-Cola Addict: I gave up soda for 4 years but now i'm back into the vicious cycle of addiction.

12. Epstein Barr Virus: I have been diagnosed with EBV, mine is a genetic not acquired disease and its made me take a look at my lifestyle. Currently i am doing great and plan to keep it that way.

13. Self-Diagnoser: Anytime something is seriously wrong with me i immediately compare my symptoms to major diseases and afflictions. All last winter i truly believed i had a brain tumor.

14. Holistic Healer: I have not taken perscription medication in over 10 years. I am a firm believer that many if not all of the worlds illnesses can be combated naturally.

15. Carb Lover! Fuck Atkins and the no carb fad. Low carbs are fine as you shouldn't ever inundate your body with only one type of food source. It's all about balance folks!

16. Yin/Yang Philosophy: Our universe is balanced. Everything within said universe also must be balanced to thrive. Without bad there could never be good and so on.

17. Product of Catholic School: Though i was raised catholic and attended a catholic school, i refuse to associate myself with a religon. My spirituality is mine and i honestly do not think that a God who loves us so will condemn me for finding fault in my fellow man(we are human duh) and their approaches to spirituality. My relationship with God is untainted by mans rules. It's just him and I.

18. Hater of Ignorance: This one is pretty self-explanatory.

19. Reformed Nail Biter: I used to gnaw the hell out of my hands. Then i got really sick (right before i was diagnosed with EBV)
and my hands did not go near my mouth for 2 weeks. Ever since then i've taken pride in my nails and when I look at my hands i cannot believe they are mine.

20. The whitest white girl on earth: My heritage is Irish and English (primarily) so my skin is pale pale pale! I got a few really bad burns
as a kid and am fanatical about protecting my skin as i age. Even in the winter months i do not leave the house without SPF on my body and its been about 7 years since i've spent time trying to obtain a tan.

21. Low Maintenence: Yes i'm a girlie girl, but no i don't freak out if i break a nail and i never take longer than 20 minutes to get ready for ANYTHING (and i still look damn good)

22. Romantic: I'm still searching for the fairytale i was promised as a little girl.

23. Toys: Yes, i'm a big kid! Take me to Toys R Us and i'll go to town.

24. Always Late: Time has no relevence in my life. This is probably my most annoying trait...i'm late for EVERYTHING!

25. I Love Hands: Most women will look at a man's eyes, his ass, or try and scope out his package *laugh* Me i look at hands.

26. I Hate Feet: Feet are ugly PERIOD!

27. I Fall in Love Everyday: Somewhere someone makes me love them..daily.

28. I Don't Want Kids: I'm damn selfish. I love kids don't get me wrong, i just like to give them back more!

29. No White Wedding: If i ever get married, i'll wear pink tyvm!

30. Arizona Ruined Me: Living out west was the best/worst thing i've ever done.

31. Spontaneous: This could be fault or asset. Sometimes i just don't think before doing something.

32. Slacker: I could fill a day with doing absolutely nothing and do it damn well!

33. Procrastinator: I put everything off until it becomes urgent that i do it.

34. Music Junkie: If there is not music playing at all times there is definately something wrong!

35. Daydreamer: It's easy for me to get swept up in wistful thoughts

36. One of the Guys: I've always felt more comfortable in a group of men than a group of women. Go figure.

37. Yuengling Lager: The beer of choice. You can't get this on the west coast...and it was hard living without it!

38. Random Knowledge: My head is crammed with useless facts that somehow come in handy on occasions.

39. Generous: I try to give whatever i can when i can.

40. Karma: What goes around comes around.

41. Doesn't Own an Iron: Uhhhhh what's ironing? Be thankful i do laundry!

42. Needs a Maid: I HATE CLEANING!

43. Likes Lapdances: Anyone want to go to the titty bar?

44. Has No Shame: I'll do anything anytime anywhere. Who cares what people think!

45. Betty Boop: My father called me betty my whole life and it turned into a love for all things boop.

46. Packrat: This i inherited from my mother. SAVE EVERYTHING! You never know when you may need it!

47. Online Shopaholic: Why go to the mall when i can sit here and buy buy buy!

48. Really Bad Credit: I got visa syndrome at age 18 and i'm paying for it now.

49. Loves to Cook: Another trait from mom...she made MEALS every night and it rubbed off. Give me a pan and i'm happy.

50. Naked: Who needs to make more dirty clothes to wash? I'm naked always when i'm home!

And there you have it folks!

My life is currently freeking boring.

I've resorted to vandalism.

You can see my first act of website grafitti HERE!!!!

Figured i would pick my good friend SadClown's blog as my first decadent PSP act.

Sorry buddy, but at least i love you enough to make you my first victim

It's about time i received a chatban on Gamespy It's been at
least a year since my typing has been silenced. I do find it quite funny though that i'm being banned for posting a link of my BOOTY in the lobby after i had posted it off and on for 2 weeks straight. Either someone complained, or they just find my ass offensive. No sweat off my booty!

The best part about it is that there are constant displays of ignorance in that lobby and nothing is done. We also are a bunch of perverts and that goes unpunished as well. So i guess its ok to talk about anal penetration so long as you don't show a semi-cloudy picture of an ass. Some things just crack me the fuck up! So here i sit typing this instead of hanging out and bantering in the lobbies of gamespy. Normally, i would work some magic and bypass the ban, but its only a one day ban and not worth the 10 day one i would get if they decided to be pricks and zap me for bypassing their chatban system. Ahhh well i could use a typing break anyway.

Holy shit! Its humpday :) Time to take a trip over to BDI and get my hump on!

"The hot dog was invented in 1904 during the St. Louis "Louisiana Purchase Exposition" by a Bavarian concessionaire named Antoine Feuchtwanger. (Yes, that's his real name. We don't make this stuff up kids -- we just bring this insanity to you for some humpin' good fun) The first hot dog was offered without a bun and was a flop. *tee hee* It was Mrs. Feuchtwanger who suggested he offer it on a bun and thus came to be the hot dog we know and love today."
Let's warm up! Using the letters W-I-E-N-E-R-S tell us seven things someone would absolutely HAVE to know if they were considering sharing a room with you.

W - Wet towels EVERYWHERE! I have a bad habit of tossing towels all over the place; there are never any in my bathroom!
I - Incense: I burn it constantly! Thanks you Jesus for Nag Champa
E - Empty cigarette packs: Why i don't just toss em in the wastebasket is beyond me...i've got a good collection going!
N - No borrowing my clothes! I bought them for me not you!
E - Eats in bed. Yes i love snacking and watching TV from my big comfy bed...got a problem?
R - Roman blinds: Black ones always, can't have sunlight messing up my beauty sleep now can i?


This week, some "getting to know you" fun with a a few crazy twists.
01. Can you remember where you were in life ten years ago? If you could travel back in time and whisper something to yourself ten years ago, what would it be?

I was taking a break from school (college) one that ended up lasting longer than expected. I would've told myself to break up with B. What a freekin waste of time!

02. You inherit a large piece of land and decide to build a theme park a la "Disneyland, Sea World, etc.) What would you name your theme park and what would your mascot be?

Park Name: BootyLand
Mascot: Myself of course!

03. Okay, let's have it! What's the craziest, most impulsive thing you've ever done. Remember, we have insane youngsters amongst us so if it's risque, clean it up.. *wink*

When i lived in Arizona, me and my girlie roomates used to go on No Banana Rides. Meaning no men in the car, and we'd all be butt ass nekkid. We would go to Jack in the Box and drive through just to get a soda and tease the workers. A few times we stopped at either friends houses or public places and did a quick streaking. *Yes i'm a bad bad girl*

04. We all have them ... bad days. If you were having a bad day what or whom would you turn to for comfort?

The one person who always comforts me is my mom. I would love to just lay my head in her lap and cry. Since she is so far away now, i'd have to go with option #2: A steamy bubblebath and a valium

05. According to the song White Rabbit, "one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small". If you were offered these pills today, which pill would you take and why?

Duh! The big one. Kinda like godzilla but sexy!


And that my friends is humping BDI style!

Until i need to purge again...

Its amazing how much you can lose in less than 24 hours
Hell, less than 12 hours.
I'm fucking miserable.

Missing Item #1:


A very important file folder from my system.
*scratches head*
Tell me how does a folder just up and disappear? I KNOW it was there yesterday because i used items within it. Namely, my plug-in filters for PSP. Now i know i've done alot of configuring, adding my new DSL crap *yay* and the latest windows updates, but how does one particular file folder vanish into the air???? It doesn't. I am wracking my brain trying to figure this one out and have come to a toss up between a few scenarios:

A. M found the hidden hidden hidden folder within it and to piss me off, deleted the whole damn thing on me. (yes i have secrets)

B. Someone got into my system and took the fucking thing.

C. Somehow, someway it was deleted by a freakish glitch.

D. The folder gnomes stole it!


Missing Item #2:


Pieces of my heart.
Recently i've become extremely close to someone. Sharing every last drop of my being with them. Giving myself fully, as i do with anyone i let inside of me, only to watch them toss me off the top of the Empire State Building. So here i lay now broken and bleeding wondering why i took down the walls that i so carefully constructed around my softest spots. I haven't let something like this happen/effect me in such a long time. I feel empty, like someone has taken a spoon and hollowed me out. All i can do is try and convince myself that they never really cared to begin with, that it was a game; Someone always loses.


Missing Item #3:


My diamond.
When i was about 3 years old, my father made me a beautiful diamond pendant. Emerald cut, 3/4 carat, brilliant, and practically flawless. I was not permitted to have this diamond until my 18th birthday. Sometimes for holidays or occasions i was given it to wear. Since i've had this diamond in my possession, i've guarded it very carefully. More precious to me than almost anything else (materialwise) because of the history and more recently because of the memories. The chain i chose for it makes it lay perfectly over my heart where i carry my fathers memory. I'm convinced its his energy streaming from within me that makes the stone shine so brightly when i wear it.

I took off the necklace 2 days ago. I put it in a glass bowl that i have in my bathroom on my shelves. It's not there now. I've searched high and low and yet i can't find it. My cats like metals. They constantly try and bite my rings, earrings, and said necklace when i hold them close to me. My only thought is that they jumped up on the shelves and plucked the necklace from the bowl. Nobody has been in my house aside from the UPS man, and he certainly did not use the facilities. So here i am recalling my Catholic school prayers and calling on Saint Anthony to find my friggin diamond.

::::::::::FOUND DIAMOND::::::::::::